So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
