hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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