if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
