I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
