I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
