Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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