I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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