I think I died a long time ago.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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