I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it was like eating out sand paper
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
