It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
