We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
