just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
