So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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