Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
