Small penises have feelings too.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
