I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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