I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week