he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.