Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
