i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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