Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.