I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.