He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
