oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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