just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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