We won't sleep together?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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