never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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