I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize