paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize