Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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