Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
