I hate all girls vehemently.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
