That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
