i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
