If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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