Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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