Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
