..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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