Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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