and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
