i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
