Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
