You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
