I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
