the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
