I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
