I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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