He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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