I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
we should paint friendship bongs
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