I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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