He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
