i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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