Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
