I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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