Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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