He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
