Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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