Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
