I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
