Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
