are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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