and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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