I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
