My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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