my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
