I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just had sex bonerless
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
