I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
