There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
