nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
