I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
